Under the #internationalwomensday theme of “struggle” and #stupidbullshit highlighted by @geoarchandlush and @mackenziecremeans earlier, an ongoing battle I seem to keep running into is butting heads with male students. Which to be honest, is a unique dilemma I legitimately have only experienced facing other males in my field.
I’ve had this internal struggle with myself trying to understand why so often others perceive me as a bitch or mean. Others not being able to understand me or my not-on-purpose intent of coming off as mean has burdened me my entire 5-year-Ph.D. causing me to be more openly frustrated as the years have gone on.
- Did I come into graduate school already having a good, fun relationship with my advisor? Yes.
- Did I come into this program already with graduate degree making me more experienced in my work than other students? Yes.
- Was I often put in charge of projects requiring me to oversee others in my cohort? Yes.
- If I ask my advisor for something, do I 9 times out of 10 get it? Yes.
- Did I also work on more projects and output more results faster than others? Yes. Why? Could it be because I already know what I’m doing?
I’m rambling now and revisiting old frustrations that don’t matter anymore and if anything are just as exhausting thinking about years later as they were when they were actually happening.
So what have I done to overcome this? Well that’s the million dollar question and the answer is, I haven’t.
What I do have are supportive friends, female and male, in and outside of graduate school, family, pets, hobbies, an encouraging advisor and other mentors who help me get back up every time I fall down. And graduate school has a lot of rocky roads (no pun intended).
Which brings me to this uplifting internet find today:
I’m not sure I’ve felt more validated by an online word generator than this #biascorrect today so I’m going to leave this here… https://catalyst.org/biascorrect
“and though she be but little, she is fierce.”